Numb Nothingness! 

The auto kept moving in the tempo of its monotonous noise and I was lost in the haze of running trees and houses. The mind had a shallow nothingness drowning into a deeper one like a leaf tide on a sinking stone. It was strange how the mind was totally empty even though it had a great deal of issues to think over and over and over and over and to not reach a conclusion, then to get ready for next consignment of issues. 

She sat next to me. I couldn’t see her face as it was hidden beyond the curtains of bouncy hair. The suspense was clearly indicative of the veiled beauty. It was very tempting thanks to the proximity and the smell of her products. One would surely wish to brush her hair aside and stamp his love on her lips, which produced a beautiful melodious sound on the phone in Bengali. She was like a drag a of marijuana, you know it harms, yet you take it because it is the eventual ‘high’ that matters, the heaven and the angels that matters.

She was showing interest in me and that was making me fall in love with her. Why do I fall in love with every girl who shows even a little bit of attention to me! I sat before a mirror last night asking the same question over and over to my image but sadly my image kept asking me the same! It seemed to be stuck in the same problem.

She sat in silence then, not uttering a word except for the hum she produced. Some beautiful song lost in her hearts seemed to make out its way mesmerizing the listeners and freeing itself from a place nobody would long freedom from. I was tired and her divine voice reminded me of the childhood lullabies. I heard the voice of a lost child in me demanding more of the soothing voice caressing the wounds of rationale and hypocrisy that are getting indelible in me as I grow.

She invited me to spend some time with her. I was double minded about going. I did not want to reveal how insecure and vulnerable I was. Yes I speak less to others and more to myself, lest my words may sing the melody of my alone and needy heart.

Did she look into the blinking eyes which made futile efforts to look away from her? I have trust issues, a messed up past and pathetically tangled up present. I did not want her to get stuck in the cobwebs of my desperation and vulnerability to hurt herself ultimately. I smiled silently to her talks, her questions, her compliments. This is my reply to most situations in general. A smile. It is a nice tool for stoics who do not want to come across as rude and indecent. Besides, least said easily mended.

So much was altercating in my mind  yet there was a macabre nothingness like an abandoned cemetery. It was horrifying to find my thoughts numb and my lips smiling. The auto kept moving in the tempo of its monotonous noise and I was still lost in the haze of running trees and houses leaving my stop, three stops back!


I might survive this pang, I might survive the next pang, might survive  yet another fit…

But how many times do I survive, till I survive?

She’s adorable…

She’s like, a beautifully crafted piece of literature;

She’s like, an impeccably brushed canvas of miniature;

Like a mural’s splendor, she’s my soul’s plural, yet singular we stand ajar, bound in the music of sentimental silence;

The bosom’s lip sync, like the perfection of Mozart, like the harmony of Beethoven;


Her eyes rain love and faith,

I akin to a desperate prostitute, shameless not heartless,

Look up at her, to not lose a moment of falling for her,

Every time she blinks…


O love,

Let the newborn in me, grow in your cuddle;

The infant love cheer thru the verses;

Let the rhyming current of our sprouting purity end up in the ocean of love.



You dwell so far…


Very far from this world of rational,

far from this world of hippocracy;

Very far from the shades of grey, untouched by ubiquitous filth of sly,

Unknown of the struggle of subsistence,

Oh dear you dwell so far…


From me o lord,

you dwell so far, unknown of my pangs,

which in nights explodes in bangs, silent but hard;

night knocks my shadow and carries my shadow beneath the sky,

droplets of cold touch rain in your territory of reign,

the light may not be bright as my shadow feels light,

but I lift my horizons to glance at you.


Possessive for you, but light is all I get,

In desire of my sole claim on your name…

I bathe in  your lights thru pangs and frights,

But one nights takes you away from me,

Another gifts me crescent face , a renewed energy in me swerves,

And veils the grief in my nerves.



Dated: Saturday, August 13, 2016

Timed: 4:24 PM

Had the rain…


Dated: Friday, July 08, 2016

Timed: 04:54 PM


Had the rain not reined,

Had the clouds not shattered ,

Had the dream not broken,

You would have been with me,

Be it only dreams;


Had the rain not reined ,

My soul would have drenched itself,

In the rain of your soulful laughter;


Had the rain not reined ,

I would have splattered ,

On my face,

Your dampened breaths,


Had the rain not reined ,

Had I been an inch closer,

My lips would have felt yours,

And you won’t run away for sure ,

Only if I was closer;


Had the rain not reined ,

I would have saw you dancing forever,

Had the rain not reined ,

You would have called my name forever;


Had the rain not reined ,

I would have never left you,

And kept your waist held forever,

Had the rain not reined ,

I would have drowned ,

In infinite depth of innocence of your adorable eyes,


I was ready to be slapped forever,

By your drenched hair,

Only if the rain had not reined;


Had the rain not rained ,

I would have thought of you anguishly,

But this was different ,

Cheers instead of tears you gave;


Had the rain not rained,

I would not have dreamt about you,

So happily in the rain,

I would have been lying in the nook,

Crying over on my pillow;


Had the rain not rained,

The infinite agony couldn’t have taken ,

A momentary halt;


Had the rain not rained ,

The heat and humidity of your brutal parting,

Would have burnt me into ashes;


T’was good it rained,

Coz had the rain not rained ,

I couldn’t have dreamt the drench,

I could not have bathed cool jinx,

On my agony blisters,

I could not have held your hand ,

Beneath the sky, be it only day dream;


It’ll soothe me again ,

till the pang hits me in your name,


but till then let the hand be held ,

let the smile glisten,

till it rains,

I just wish it rains, rains,

Rains her smile…forever!