Strings Attached!

On my way back from Lucknow yesterday I met a person, actually I just ‘saw’ him. He was sitting on the berth opposite to mine in the general compartment (the only place where you find the most unnatural terra inhabitants). He was sitting along with four others on the berth which could hardly bear the weight of the bulky demons resting their unnaturally bulky bums on it. What a bum deal it was for the berth! I was seated with five skinny men and was with the window.

The man of the focus was quite accomplished in health terms; he was dark and must have been around fifty. He talked like a prodigy, as if he knew everything that people in general avoid, everything that is weird for igniting a conversation. I don’t remember anyone from earth or heaven that begins a conversation by asking the prices of real estates in Lucknow or Jaipur. He asked such questions and later I got to know that the question was rhetorical and was intended to down-show the other intellects sitting there which comprised mainly of the Google expert millennial including me. His smirk of the victory was heavenly as if he conquered the Marxist ideologies. I did not participate the blind debate other jumped in, it reminds me of the news channel debates which are dominated if and only if you have a highest volume in the panel, these debates never reach to a conclusion. I plugged in my earphones, without music though, intending to hear the expert panel and snub the messers at the same time.

The holy man of the hour was strange man. He was a clerk in some government institution. He was all tied and tangled up in strings. He had around eight strings ruling his pathetically thick neck (I guess the neck stored fat ‘under the table’). Those strings were attached to different pouches made in army camouflaged cloth piece. They were different in sizes, quite like his eyes which had unbalanced size. He kept his phone in one, pens in other, dedicated a pouch for his broken spectacles and wallet in one of them. And his shirt’s pocket had ‘chana’ in it. He had, maybe, a compulsive fear of pickpockets, but did he know that we had chain snatchers also, for this purpose. But I guess chain snatchers look only into women’s cleavage for pendants and necklaces and the fatso looked manly enough to bypass their skepticism. He was different in a funny sort of way. He had a holster like leather pouch where he secured his ‘paan masala’. Besides all of these securities he had a leather bag too which had a lock on the zipper and the strap was fastened to his waist.

I deduce mathematically that if one pouch corresponds to one kangaroo he represented a complete kin and kinship of the specie. It was rakshabandhan and thus he had one more string on his wrist representing that he was in stringed relationship with his sister as he was with his props.

Kafan mein jeb nahi hoti,’ someone, I remember, recently said, to which, someone else replied (I remember the voice of Lalu Prasad Yadav), ‘Inke kafan me jeb nahi jhola hai jhola.’ Who knows this very man maybe lusty enough for his props to get a designer ‘kafan’ with pockets and strings reserved for himself .

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THE FOUR PROMINENT APPLES

Chew! Chew! Chew! Arrrgh!… and then I thought about the fourth, but how did I reach four? Did I skip the first three or my Adam’s apple is leaking numbers! Oh no! I didn’t leak, I mean my apple didn’t. I first thought of the first then the second and so on.

The three prominent apples of the global history. First one came from a tree, I mean all of them did but the first one is always pictured with the tree. Newton sat below it and the fall, the holy, royal fall, the esoteric fall (my schoolmates called it a cursed fall) changed the overall physics. Second one went to Alan Turing who was so embarrassed and disgusted by the allegations over him that he could not take a second bite before his demise. A similar stingy apple went to snow white (Warning! I am not reckoning apples of fantasy) and the bite could not cross her Adam’s apple (wait, do girls have Adam’s apple?). The apple stuck in her throat like she stuck in our childhood fantasies before we found ourselves growing up with Emma Watson through the Harry Potter’s heptology. The next apple fell into the blessed lap of Steve Jobs, who too dug his teeth into it just once and the rival companies minced in pain. The bite had a long lasting impact, maybe it had a wee bit touch of snow white’s and Alan Turing’s fatal apples as he was once diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Thankfully Steve was stronger!

As Lalu Prasad Yadav cursed Nitish Yadav in his crass dialect about the so called backstabbing, I happened to spot my fourth apple. His Adam’s apple! Does he really have one? Oh yes, but it is kept safe under a heaped fat of Benamis and allegations. He cannot let it open for Nitish to fodder upon, correction ‘feast upon’. His strong kin-o-philic nature holds him from doing so. And maybe it is safe that it is concealed, anyone who has feasted on it is under CBI probe (his kids for example). Close escape Nitish! It might have resulted similar to Turing’s fate or constructively it (the worth concealed in his Adam’s apple) could have produced many jobs or better, Steve Jobs! Happy and safe apple eating!

Thanks for reading, please do like, comment and follow.

Prashant

Can you fake cuteness?